2003-01-11
So I superglued my fingers together last night.

No, not just for fun either. Delaware is boring but not that boring.

My glasses broke and I was trying to fix them. Apparently I'm not well-endowed in the motor skills department.

It was a very "I Love Lucy" moment.

So, of course, I panick. My normal reaction to crisis like this is to get Jake because - well - I don't handle pressure very well. Not exactly very clear headed during a time of crisis. My first thought would be to cut the fingers off.

Hell, I have eight spares anyway.

But, don't worry, I didn't. If I had, I'd be typing mowie ltike thias (more like this.)

However, I couldn't get Jake because he was entertaining some friends in the basement.

(The last line conjured up images of Jake dancing half naked on our coffee table with brightly colored tassles over his nipples. I don't know why the word "entertaining" evoked that image. I think I've been watching too much HBO)

Anyway, I really didn't want to run downstairs and announce to a bunch of people that I had superglued my fingers together. Not much on the public humiliation thing.

So I called my sister. I settled for private humiliation.

And my niece answered. One of five nieces that is. I tell her what happened and she INSTANTLY yells across the house "MOM! Aunt Kyrie superglued her fingers together and doesn't know what to do!"

I heard an eruption of laughter. Apparently, ALL five of my nieces were having slumber parties simulataneously and decided to invite every girl in the state of Delaware and its outlying areas under the age of 17.

It was a proud moment indeed.

My sister picks up the phone. Normally she would have killed me for waking her up at such an ungodly hour but my extreme patheticness softened her a bit.

Oh, believe me, I'll be hearing about this one for years to come.

So after a half of a hour later of soaking in nail polish remover, my fingers are back to their original - non linked - form.

What is even more troubling is that, although this is the first time I've superglued my fingers together, ... it is not my first superglue incident.

Four years ago I superglued my hand to my car radio. I was outside in my apartment's parking lot trying to fix it (the radio, not the parking lot) when, I became a little overzealous with the glue application (just so you know "more" is not always "better") and suddenly realized that I couldn't remove my hand from the radio.

And that I was very much alone. And not near a phone.

So, finally, some stranger - after hearing me call for help - came to my rescue. Thank god it wasn't all the way dry otherwise it would have required amputation. (just kidding :)

I wouldn't really rank that as one of the better days of my existence.

I think that I'm going to write a letter to the manufacturers of Superglue. They need some kind of warning label.

Maybe: "If You're an IDIOT - Do Not Use This!"

That probally wouldn't do much good. I never read labels. :)

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