I'm going to tell her.

He'll most definitely hate me. She'll probally resent me. And everyone else will think I'm chock full of self-righteousness ... but, after much soul searching, it's what needs to be done.

Often the right choice is not the easy one. And I have to accept that.

However, I will respect him as a human being. I'm not just going to run behind his back and tell his girlfriend that he's cheating on her. I don't think that would be cool. Yeah, his actions are wrong and completely unjustifiable ... but he's still a person. If I want to be given respect, I need to show it.

So, I'm going to find a time to get him alone. I've seen him with other people - but I didn't think it was proper to bring up something like this in front of others. I'm going to wait until there isn't anyone else around and there is no immediate danger of interruption. Then I'll tell him that: 1)even though I've always liked him as a person, I think that his cheating on his girlfriend is a pretty shitty thing to do to someone you "love"; 2) that I refuse to participate in his deception. I refuse to lie to his girlfriend to her face. I respect and like her - therefore, I refuse to turn my head and act like nothing's wrong. Homey don't play that. Although I won't hunt her down to tell her (mainly because I don't know where she lives, works, or even her last name), if I see her - EVER - I'll kindly inform her that her oh-so-faithful boyfriend has opted for the "all-you-can-eat" buffet over the traditional entree.

Only I'll say it with more tact. I hope.

I was waiting to write a diary entry until I actually told him. But, the opportunity hasn't presented itself ... and I've spent the last week trying to come to terms with the fact that everybody will, in some way, resent my actions.

He'll definitely hate me. Which sucks because I do like him. He's always been extremely respectful towards me. And I'm going to tell him so. I'll also let him know that I'm not doing this to blackmail him or to hurt him ... but because I owe to his girlfriend. As someone pointed out, he's exposing her to upteen million types of germs ... and I know about it. Moral issues aside, it's just not right.

So, I have to get over my own ego and desire to be liked, and tell her. And accept that he will hate him. And that everyone else will think I'm sticking my nose where it doesn't belong.

Man, why can't it be easy to do the right thing?

Often it seems the wrong decisions are the easiest. If you're broke, steal some money. If you're horny, screw your neighbor's wife. If you're angry, go beat someone up. Lie a little here. Cheat a little there.

You get what you want AND you don't have sacrifice anything.

Except maybe your soul.

What I came up with this week was that maybe this is like a test. A multiple choice test where you have five answers ... but one is always a trick answer. It seems like the easiest - doesn't require much thought - and lures you to hastily choose it.

But, if you do, you'll always be wrong. And, eventually, after making the same mistake over and over ... you'll fail the test.

The "test" can mean whatever you want it mean. "Failure" can mean whatever you want it to mean. Insert your own personal belief system here. Hell, heaven, reincarnation, life, spirit ... whatever floats your boat.

You know something? I've realized that I can make ANYTHING into some kind of metaphysical, philosophical, life-defining question.

Have you noticed that?

I could probally turn choosing a new refrigerator into some deeply meaningful life metaphor.

Salesperson: Do you want the black, grey, or white refrigerator?

Me: I think I'll take the grey one because it represents the ambiguous opportunity structures presented before us along the journey of our existence.

Salesperson: Okey-dokey. And would you like it equipped with an automatic ice maker or would you prefer to make your own ice?

Me: I think our society as a whole as become dependent on convenience and therefore has dilluted our sense of self-power. We need to reinvest in our ability to be self-sufficient. Consequently, I choose to make my own ice. Dammit.

Salesperson: And how will you be paying for this?

Me: You are so right ... how *will* I be paying for this? Really, what is money? It's just a secondary means of reinforcement - nothing more than a token economy - designed to make a meager piece of paper represent wealth, power, and, ultimately, oppression. Indeed, how WILL I be paying for this then? I guess WITH MY SOUL!

Sheesh, I really need to lighten up.

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