First I was against it. Then I was for it. But then I watched Oprah so I was against it again. Then I watched MSNBC and I was for it again.

Now, I'm just confused.

I want to support the right choice. Not the patriotic choice. Or the political choice. Or even the popular choice. But the *right* choice.

But I don't know what it is.

I've always been against war because it kills innocent people and destroys countries, demolishes lives. The military calls it "collateral damage" to make it sound clean and efficient. Take the humanity out of it. But, in essence, "collateral damage" is the innocent lives we take in the process of achieving our goal.

So you see why I despise war.

Not to mention what we do to the country. We wreak complete havoc on the cities we attack. Families disintegrate. Economies collaspe. Any semblance of order is dissolved and choas rules supreme.

Then we leave them. Without their people. Without their city. Without their lives.

But then I think about what their lives are like now. The quality of their existence. They are prisoners in their own country ... afraid to even think against their government, as if somehow even their thoughts would betray them.

These are people in constant fear of their lives. To turn away and do nothing would be inhumane.

So what do we do? Politely ask Sadaam to please go into exile? Reliquish all his power. Maybe if we say "pretty please with sugar on top" he'll consider it?

I have a sneaking suspicion he won't exactly start packing his bags anytime soon.

And then what, as the guy on Oprah said. If, hypothetically we do go to war, then what? Will we leave them destroyed like we did the last time? It's the reason why this whole thing started in the first place.

It's like a bull in a china shop, the Oprah guy said. "If you break it, you bought it." And he was right. If we break the country, it becomes our responsibility. We need to fix it. It's the only right thing to do.

So, then if we go to war - then we must also stay and repair the country. Sounds like a good plan.

There's a catch though.

What exactly are we getting into? Iraq is a country rife with turmoil. Many different and opposing ethnic groups barely able to live together. Maybe the only reason why things are as harmonious as they are now is because they are ruled with an iron fist. Maybe it is only extremity that keeps things in check. What happens when we take that away?

Will we only make things worse?

I try to make this personal. If it were my life, what would I want? If it were my country, what would I want?

I would want to be free ... is the only conclusion I come to.

But ... I don't know what that means for them. Freedom may not mean democracy. That what's we bring to the table. But it might not be right. You can't put a square peg in a round hole. Well, you can ... but it just makes a mess of things.

But living under a dictator - unable to express your thoughts and in constant fear for your life - well, that's not freedom either.

I don't know, kids. I've been thinking about this for awhile. I need to make a decision because I can't be indifferent on this issue. Even if my opinion doesn't change anything, it does matter. Even though I can't physically do anything to help them, I can at least take the time to support the people who can.

How completely unnecessary all of this is. How completely and utterly unnecessary.

Here we are - with billions of lives on the line - because of ego. I'm more powerful than you. I'm better than you. I can hurt you more than you can hurt me.

All we need is a fistfight and a DNA test and it'll be like a Jerry Springer show.

And all this because everyone wants power. Sure, the US wants to protect its people from terrorism ... I'm sure that's part of it ... but, at the crux, we want to regain our power. We were hurt and now we want to hurt them back. And Sadaam, he needs power to define himself. He needs power to be a dictator. If he's not a dictator then what is he?

We all do that though. We define ourselves by the power that we have. A parent has power over their children. A manager has power over their employees. We have power over our lives. Even the figures of speech we use: I gave him my heart, He took his life, she belongs to me. It's all about whose in control. There are two groups: those who are powerful and those who are powerless. Everyone wants power but nobody is willing to share.

So the driving motivation behind our lives is power.

I personally think it should be love ... but what do I know.

However, if it were love, we definitely wouldn't be in this situation now.

But it's not. And we are. So what next? What's the right thing to do?

That's the million dollar question, I guess.

I wish I knew. I really wish I knew.

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