Even slugs. I really don't mind slugs. I mean, I don't want to decorate my house with them or anything ... but nor do I have an urge to douse the little buggers with salt so I can slowly watch them die.

Actually, I'm not real big on watching things die in general. Slow or otherwise. Call it a quirk in my personality.

But I'm getting off my point. (What else is new?) My point is that I'm a mildly unfreakable type of person.

However, that being said, there are a couple of things that kinda got to me lately. Probably "freak" is the wrong verb to use. But I can't think of a more appropriate one. And my brain hurts. So we're just gonna go with it.

So:

THINGS THAT FREAK ME OUT

by Keryanna

1. The Poison Hotline commericial. Not the commercial per se .. but more the jingle that accompanies the commercial. It's really catchy. Which I guess is the point of a jingle. It's so catchy that I didn't even realize I caught it ... until I'm sitting there, in the middle of a room full of strangers, singing softly to myself: "If you think it's poison but you're not sure/Call 475-9444." I mean, it really is a good melody. Kinda jazzy. But for Christ sake's I'm singing about POISON. Really, I mean, c'mon , there's just something wrong with that.

The same thing happened with the OB commericial. You're probably too young to remember it ... and I was pretty young myself when it came out - maybe 4th grade or thereabouts - but it was such a catchy little tune: "OB it's the way you should/Try the extra and set yourself free." How is a 4th grader suppose to know that OB is a tampon. All I knew was that it was in a commerical where everybody was smiling and jumping around. I probably thought it was about bubblegum. Until one day while we were over my Aunt KiKi's and I was helping to peel the carrots, I started to sing it. Suddenly everyone was yelling at me. Hence was my introduction into the world of feminine products.

2. I was online today and this window popped up. Nothing normally freaky about that. Annoying, yes. Freaky, not so much. BUT this window had pictures of lots of things that interest me. I mean, it was scarily accurate. And I have very eclectic tastes so it took me by surprise. So, definitely interested now, I click on the arrow to go through the pictures. It becomes readily apparent to me that somehow that computer has recorded all the sites that I have visited and compiled this window for my viewing pleasure. And enjoyed it I did ... looking at pictures of African art, Pablo Neruda's wife Matilde, Bali, painted wine glasses, Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer ... until I clicked on the "next arrow" and it had a logo that said: "You are a Honorary Transexual".

Don't get me wrong, transexuals don't freak me out. Not in the least. But, I have to say, me as a transexual (honorary or otherwise) is a tad on the freaky side.

Only because I'm quite happy with the equipment nature gave me. Don't really fancy the notion of supplementing the existing package. Thank you very much.

And when did I visit a site that had to do with transexuality??

I think that freaked me out the most. Not only because I don't remember visiting a site like that ... but because I have visited it often enough for the computer to consider an "interest" of mine. I'm hoping it wasn't a porn site ... just some scientific site about the psychological and social obstacles facing transexuals in today's society.

Now, that's something I'm down with.

But who am I kidding? I probably get myself all liquored up on whiskey shots and bourbon then hop online to check at "lusty transexuals" and "naughty cheerleaders in need of a spanking" porn sites. But, because of my blackout, I can't remember doing it.

Man, I'm such a perv.

I was going to continue with my list but now I'm disgusted with myself.

I am so utterly filthy - I think I need a good boil.

Or a stiff drink.

Maybe this time I'll get drunk and visit beastiality porn sites.

Geez, I'll never look at my cat the same way again.

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