2003-04-21
She's going to lose her house.

I tried, mind you, the hardest that my little heart could to dig her out of this hole.

I've been digging so hard and for so long that my fingertips are raw and my hands are near bleeding.

But some problems are beyond fixing.

I got into work today and, as soon as he looked at me, my coworker remarked "You've been thinking about this the whole weekend, haven't you?"

I had. All weekend. I spent my day off making call after call ... clinging to some hope that this would all have a happy ending. That, like it is on TV, in the last ten minutes - at the final hour - somehow everything is made right again.

'Guess I was praying for my own private Daddy Warbucks.

But it didn't happen.

Apparently, after speaking to her bankruptcy lawyer, I learned that this woman's house has been in foreclosure three times - and all three times she has found some way to stop it ... some kind-hearted person would donate their money to raise her up out of this dark place.

And, of course, she would swear it would never happen again.

She has exhausted all her resources. Tapped out all her allies. Her bridges are all burned and there ain't no way to get 'em back.

Her lawyer told me not to fight for the house. That this woman has to learn her lesson. She needed to fall from that tight rope without any safety net - and feel the cold, hard reality of hitting rock bottom.

But what about the kid?, I thought to myself. He has to pay for his mother's mistakes? It just doesn't seem fair.

About this point my aforementioned co-worker came back into my office. My emotions have always been readily apparent ... I'm not one with the stoicism. If I'm sad, you'll know. It leaps out from me.

He pulled up a chair beside me.

He said "You know, I've been in Social Work for a pretty long time. I've seen alot of things. Really nasty things. Sometimes people deserve it. Sometimes they don't."

"I know what you're thinking", he said. "How could I sit back and let a child suffer for his mother's actions ... and not care? ... But, the thing is - I do care. I do care what happens to him. That's why we need to let her lose her house. Otherwise, she'll never have to change. If we keep catching her - then she won't have any fear of falling."

He's right, you know. She doesn't have any fear of falling. She's 56 years old and hasn't had to work in 30 years. She had a nice house and only had to pay $220/mth in mortgage. She brought in $896/mth just from the government. Without having to work for a dime.

And still she wanted more.

She uses her son like a shield. Noone will let her suffer because they don't want the boy to suffer. So, when things get bad, she brings him into someone's office and, like me, their heart breaks at the sight of him. And, like me, they go out of their mind - in any manner possible - to help her save her house, her life, her money - or whatever else she's at risk for losing at that particular moment.

I have to face her - and her son - tomorrow. Tell them that I can't save their house. And she'll probably cuss me out. Then I'll tell them that we can continue case management and try to help her find an affordable apartment.

But, most importantly, I'm going to tell them that this is a crossroad. These are the times that can destroy you or give you rebirth. Strength is made from being torn down and born again. Stronger. Better. Brighter. When we face difficult times, when the world looks dark and we think we can't go on ... these are the moments made for our awakening. Because, if we push through - if we fight the dark and believe in the light - then we become a little stronger. And our strength builds bit by bit with each obstacle we overtake, every hardship we conquer until we realize that there isn't anything that can hold us back from our dreams.

I'm going to say this not for her - because I believe she's far too lost- but for the boy. It's my coded message to him ... telling him stay strong.

Stay Strong.

Because I know his mother is a lunatic. And I know that it isn't fair that the universe is doing this to him. But, if he believes he will make it out of this - if he believes that there is a future beyond crazy mothers and homeless shelters - he can persevere and fight through all the nonsense and bullshit of life ... because one day he will be free.

He will be free.

And, when that day comes, I want his dreams to be there waiting for him. Unbroken and Gleaming.

I don't want him to ever lose his wonder.

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