Honestly, I'm not entirely sure what's wrong with me.

The only thing I do know is that I have this uncanny ability to run into the edges of everything. If you put a single coffee table in the middle of a gigantic, vacant warehouse - somehow my knee will find it.

Case in point: I run into the edge of my boss' doorway at minimum three times a week.

IT'S A DOORWAY. HENCE IT DOESN'T MOVE.

You would think that after, oh, the fifth, tenth or THIRTIETH time of running into it - my brain would take a mental note.

Yeah, you would think that. But nope. Apparently, in the process of evolution, my ancestors lost the gene that makes one avoid very obvious, very hard obstacles directly in front of them.

I guess running into things headfirst enabled their survival. I'm sure getting knocked out often is great skill in the wild.

Probably spending a majority of their time unconscious saved them from being killed in tribal wars or being crushed by elephants. So, they were still around to reproduce and pass on their idiocy.

To me.

At first, I thought my penchant for collision was a little funny. But after numerous times knocking my knee on the dryer door, bumping into kitchen counters and mulitiple near concussions from just getting out of my damn car, I'm not laughing anymore.

Okay, maybe I'm laughing a little. But only because I'm sick and twisted.

God, this is so very annoying.

Would you believe I took 13 years of dance - and I STILL have this problem? Isn't that suppose to IMPROVE your coordination? What am I, some kind of mutant freak incapable of controlling her major muscle groups or fine motor skills even with years of diligent instruction????

I'm surprised I didn't fall off the stage and take out a few innocent bystanders in all those years.

That's it. I'm walking around in a plastic bubble.

Who knows. Maybe I'll start a trend.

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