Let me restate that: My cat wasn't typing the email. I was. Don't worry, she's not narcoleptic. Or incredibly dexterous.

Although she does snore. Loudly.

Anyway, I don't want to move her. So I have to find some way to occupy my time.

It was either write in my diary. Or maybe dust something. Within reach, that is.

Since I made a pact with myself long ago that I would only dust if under the threat of certain death or visiting in-laws, you're stuck with me, kid. I'm writing an entry.

So ..... what to talk about. What to talk about.

Hmmmmm.

Wait. I know.

Now, this is in no way a pet peeve. So, please don't think I'm complaining or putting anyone down. Because I'm not. It's just a random observation. In the genre of Seinfeld.

I've noticed when I spend some time perusing other diaries that there is this trend on many templates to not actually name the link its actual name. For example, if the template's central them is "Color" - the "Archives" link would be named "Black" and the "Recent Entry" named "Red", the "Guestbook" named "Orange" and so forth and so on.

This is actually very innovative. And I always applaud thinking outside of the box. I urge people to go against convention. Lead, don't follow.

However, you fail to take into account that I am an idiot. And easily confused.

I'm a simple girl fond of simple things.

I can not tell you how many countless hours I've spent trying to decide which link to click on to find someone's guestbook or profile. It's as if I'm trying to decipher a secret code. I keep looking for patterns.

I think ... "What is the main theme of this template? What is the diarist trying to say? What symbolism is he/she using?". I try to find the relationship between the template theme and its links. I feel like I'm in a college level English literature course not an online journal site.

It's like criminal profiling for blogs.

For example, if the template's main message is "The Anti-Christ" ... then if I click on "Bloodbath" will it take me to email, a guestbook or some sadistic serial killer site that, after viewing, will eventually lead to my untimely and brutal death.

If you've ever watched "Feardotcom", you know what I'm talking about.

What a high price to pay just for wanting to tell someone that you liked their entry about ritual sacrifice.

Yes, I've actually watched "Feardotcom". Voluntary. We will never speak of this again.

Now, some are pretty easy. Like "Dried" for old entries and "Fresh" for new entries. But some of the Anime templates kill me. I want so desperately to know what their "100 Things" are but the link names are in Japanese. I wind up clicking on their "Design" link or "Wishlist" link or, god forbid, the "Surveys" link. It's pure and utter chaos, I tell you. I'm just randomly clicking any which way hoping for a winner. Thank heavens, I'm don't have any sort of gambling or thrill addiction. I would waste hours of my time searching out vague templates with confusing link just so I could click on them repeatedly hungerly anticipating the luck of the draw.

Which begs the questions, why *do* I spend hours of my time trying to crack the code of ambiguous templates? Don't I have anything better to do?

Sadly, no. I do not.

And I refuse to be bested by links that have symbols like & or % instead of names. I will not be conquered by links that only appear if I move the mouse over them just the right way.

You. Will. Not. Defeat. Me.

I will go down fighting.

So bring them on. Bring on your links named "air", "water", "dead", "alive", ""laugh", "cry", "fresh", "moldy", "right", "wrong", "up", "down", "fall", "leap" or whatever other clever and/or original concoction you can conjure up.

I'm ready.

Bring It On.

Wow. That was intense. No more coffee before bed for me.

Well, it seems all my passionate typing has woken up my sleeping kitty cat.

Now she looks less cute and more pissed.

I think I better head off and get her a cat treat to tame the savage beast.

Good night, my hot buttered crumpets. Dream well.

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