I always welcome any opportunity to say "whilst". Because I'm really not enough of a freak already.

I'm usually carded though. And, truth be told, I don't mind at all. In fact, I prefer it. If I'm not carded, I feel this urgent need to run home and repeatedly apply copious amounts of moisturizer all over my body.

But before this becomes a letter to penthouse, the reason why I mention this is : A) I'm bored and I need a reason to write something; B) I'm bored and I need a reason to write something.

Also, I was perplexed by this particular carding incident. There was a huge line of people in front of me. I was maybe the eighth or ninth person in the line ... and the clerk didn't card any of them. And some of those people looked "fresh out of the womb" young. Like they had just been spurted out of the uterus and suddenly needed stiff drink. So, when the clerk carded me, I guess I gave him a You-just-sold-a-couple-twelve-year- olds-a-bottle-of-whiskey-and-you're- carding-me-for-KALUHA look. Yeah, I'm going to go get smashed on Spanish Coffees. I'm such a deliquent.

Anyway, I guess I gave him a weird look because he told me "You look like a cop."

What does that mean??

I don't know how to take that.

Maybe I exude authority. Maybe I have a presence about me. Maybe I remind him of one of those sexy cops - the kind of cop you can hire for bachelor parties or birthdays.

Those are probably less "cop" and more "stripper" actually.

Maybe I remind him of stripper that dresses like cop. Or just a girl into handcuffs.

I highly doubt it though. I don't think I give off the whole bondage vibe.

But, then again, I didn't think I gave off the cop vibe either - so, you know, anything's possible.

There are a few things that people assume about me that are not true:

1. "I'm a vegetarian." I am NOT a vegetarian. I was one very briefly during my freshmen year in college but I think that is an obligatory right of passage for women. It is an unspoken rule that, during college, all women have to either be vegetarian or bisexual for at least one semester. Separately or at the same time. I don't really understand it. I just accept it.

2. "I'm a smoker." I know, it really doesn't go with the "vegetarian" thing ... but people are always surprised that I don't smoke. Never have, in fact. I do enough damage to my lungs just breathing air and hair spray. I fulfill my toxin quota quite nicely, thank you.

3. "I'm from a different country/state." This one baffles even me. I look painfully American. Even could pass for Canadian. But not the French speaking kind. Although I am Greek, there is really nothing ethnic looking about me. In fact, I could pass for Irish (and have) when my hair is dyed red. I chalk this up to the way I speak. I talk exactly the way I write. Which, I think, tends to make my speech sound proper ... almost as though it's a second language. Doesn't really help the situation that I use words like "whilst" either. I'm not being pseudo-intellectual, believe me. I'm just a dork. A native dork ... but a dork nonetheless.

4. "I'm not married." Noone can ever believe I'm married. They are always so surprised. Okay, I *really* don't know how to take that one. But most people do assume I have a boyfriend - which is my one saving grace. Maybe I look like the kind of girl you would date but not marry. Refer to stripper cop paragraph.

Although, again, I highly doubt it.

When I came home, I told Jake that the clerk carded me because he thought I looked like a cop. Jake said "You've never been told that before? I get that all the time!"

He said that when he lived in Vancouver and went to clubs, people would shadow him because they thought he was an undercover cop.

So, apparently, we BOTH have the undercover cop thing going for us.

Maybe it's the cool undercover cop vibe - like "21 Jump Street", Johnny Depp undercover cop.

Hmmm ... I could live with that.

Ahhhh, self-delusion always makes me feel so much better.

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